A Personal Story

Discussion in 'Justice for JonBenet Discussion - Public Forum' started by Amber, Nov 23, 2006.

  1. Amber

    Amber Member

    never mind
     
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2006
  2. Why_Nut

    Why_Nut FFJ Senior Member

    Your experience was worth telling, and I thank you for that. The way people handle stresses can indeed escalate from "no big deal" to "die!" in a mere moment. It happens, people had best get their minds wrapped around that fact, and Patsy was not some outside-of-human-experience exception.
     
  3. 1000 Sparks

    1000 Sparks Active Member

    ?????

    Please share.
     
  4. Cherokee

    Cherokee FFJ Senior Member

    Amber, I didn't have a chance last night to comment on your story, but I thought it was very important as an example of understanding Patsy's mind set. Please consider reposting it.

    I don't know why you deleted it, but if it was because of a lack of responses, please understand that there were very few people on the forum last night because posters were spending time with their families for Thanksgiving, and also some people are out of town and away from their computers. In addition, when you first posted, it was already bedtime on the East Coast. I'm sure there would have been several responses to your post this morning.
     
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2006
  5. koldkase

    koldkase FFJ Senior Member

    Oh, no! Amber, we all had busy days yesterday, so many didn't get to be online. I hope you didn't delete because of no responses.

    Anyhow, it sounds like it was an interesting post. Sorry I missed it.
     
  6. heymom

    heymom Member

    Maybe Amber told something too personal, and then thought about it a little, changed her mind and deleted. That's OK.

    But now she has us all curious! :confused: :confused: :eye: :eye: What was it???
     
  7. Amber

    Amber Member

    Sorry, when not one person replied I thought it may have been a bit too honest for people...perhaps too much personal information. So I will repost it and say a belated Happy Thanksgiving;)

    I have hesitated sharing this as it brings back painful memories, but I felt telling it may be useful in possibly 'explaining' PR's mind set at the time of Jonbenet's death.

    JR has now said that PR thought she could die at any moment and that was why she entered her into the pageants, because she might not be around in future years. If that is true it gives a completely different psychological picture of PR at that time...I believed she was in remission...am I wrong? IF we take what JR now says as the truth then the woman must have been in hell, believing each day could be her last.

    My little story: Many years ago, my father suffered a stroke. He recovered but was warned to stop smoking and drinking. He did for a while but like a dieter slipped back into his old ways.

    I was 21 ish at this time and still living at home...I had a younger brother who was 14. He was a cocky little so and so and well into being a really stroppy, argumentative teenager. One night he picked an argument with me...it wasn't trivial and I won't go into it, but something he threatened me with was pretty vile. So I argued with him...

    The next thing I knew, my father, who was a gentle kind soul, suddenly leaped from his armchair like a man possessed. He put his two large hands around my throat, pushing me backwards onto the floor. He pressed hard until I was about to black out and my other brother managed to pull him off me.

    This was totally out of character...It turned out that he had been feeling unwell again and hadn't told anyone. HE knew/feared he was about to have another stroke and thought he could die at any moment. The constant fear he was living under put him under tremendous, horrible stress. He simply snapped and I was the target....my father, who loved me dearly, had a moment where he was NOT himself and tried to kill me..but I could have been anyone...I just happened to be there when his stress/fear level reached that critical point.

    He died within six months of that incident...took me a long time and some counselling to rationalise it...but I can understand now....
     
  8. wombat

    wombat Member

    Amber, I am sorry such a terrible thing happened to you. I hope you and your family have healed as much as you can.

    Patsy's fear of dying had so much to do with all of this - the pageants, the aggressive social life, etc. It was the ovarian cancer that got me interested in the JonBenet case. At that time, such a diagnosis was dire, and survival was highly unlikely. Patsy lived under stress from this every moment of the day.

    I am sorry I can't stay up longer tonight, but it's late and we've had the holiday rush for the past few days.
     
  9. Cherokee

    Cherokee FFJ Senior Member

    I'm glad you re-posted your story, Amber. I know it took a lot of courage for you to tell us something so personal, but it does give insight into the Ramsey family dynamic and Patsy's mind set when JonBenet was killed.

    How awful for you to be attacked like that by your father, but I'm glad you know that your father loved you dearly, and that what happened had nothing to do with the reality of his love for you.

    It is late here, almost 11:00 p.m., so I know a lot of people have already gone to bed ... and many are away for the holidays and won't be back home until Sunday ... so please don't get discouraged about the lack of responses. In America, Thanksgiving is second only to Christmas as a holiday for traveling.
     
  10. Tricia

    Tricia Administrator Staff Member

    Amber,

    Thank you so very much for sharing such a personal and painful story.

    This is exactly the same type of stress that Patsy was under. Even though her cancer had not returned (don't know if Patsy was offically in remission) Patsy had to go in every six months (I believe it was 6 months) to check and see if her cancer had returned. Each trip to the doctor must have been ungodly stressful. Patsy must have known that if the cancer returned it was going to be stronger and more deadly. The chances of her survival were greatly reduced. Just as your father knew.

    The stess of cancer, turning 40, trying to pack for a trip she didn't want to go on, and with everyday family stress would make any human expolode.

    Amber, thankfully you did get help like Cherokee said and you were able to forgive your father. Thank goodness this is no longer causing stress in your life.
     
  11. The Punisher

    The Punisher Member

    You got guts, Amber.
     
  12. koldkase

    koldkase FFJ Senior Member

    Thanks so much for sharing your personal experience with us, Amber. It is horrible to have such violence break onto you, even if the circumstances are understandable when looked at objectively. I too am glad you are able to see how illness can produce sudden and hard conditions that are painful for all.

    With something like a stroke, the brain is injured in a way that can't be foreseen in every way. Even in recovery, things have changed and can't be fixed. Deterioration also causes personality shifts that can be gradual and sudden. Living with those changes and decline is truly frightening to all.

    What I see in the Ramseys is their absolute determination to present a mask of confidence in cure and God. Underneath, the inconsistencies in their stories prove to me that they don't handle the truth well.

    Christmas is also the most stressful time of year for many. I personally can't imagine trying to do all the traveling and Christmas activities, plus the pageant stress, all with two small children in tow, that the Ramseys did. Add in turning forty, with an ovarian cancer death sentence hanging over her head, and it's not hard to imagine Patsy snapping, especially if she discovered that JonBenet was being molested, as well. If molestation was part of Patsy's own history, and Tom Haney's questions to her indicate LE considered this possible, it was a recipe for disaster.

    It always amazes me when I see someone say that this just couldn't have happened like that in such a nice family, with no history. Nobody KNOWS the history if the Ramseys kept it hidden behind closed doors.
     
  13. Little

    Little Member

    Thank you for sharing something as personal and painful as this Amber. What you have shown is that even someone for whom it is completely out of character, it's not impossible for them to strike out and cause harm.

    Thank you for posting this again.

    Little
     
  14. Barbara

    Barbara FFJ Senior Member

    Wow Amber, what a brave story to tell. How terrible you must have felt. Sometimes, as we either get older OR wiser, things can be explained by intellect rather than emotion

    What is important is that you realize and know that your dad loved you as much as always, but when people are ill, (and for some children, that will include mental illness, but it's still ILLNESS) they can say and do things that are not only out of character, but dangerous and hurtful. Sadly, when children are little, they can't always understand that mom, dad or whomever is SICK; and it's not personal, but only few can take that information and intellectualize it when it happens. That takes time and I'm glad you sought help and have come through that with the understanding and knowledge that dad loved you.

    There are so many illnesses (and medications) that can cause people to act irrationally, and in ways totally foreign to their basic personalities that families suffer in ways they hadn't planned on emotionally.

    AND...you also drive home the points about Patsy and the Ramsey family. For those of us who KNOW that behind closed doors there is always more than meets the eye, you once again remind us that the "perfect family" is only "perfect" when THEY relay stories; the "other" stories never get told.

    That's why I always want to scream when the RST, who don't even know the family, claim that there was nothing but goodness and love in the Ramsey household

    Those with insight into the "behind closed doors" understanding, like yourself cannot be hoodwinked.

    Thanks for sharing such a personal story and I hope things are good for you now Amber :rose: :hug:
     
  15. Greenleaf

    Greenleaf FFJ Senior Member

    Amber

    Amber

    The image of a privileged, attractive woman, abusing and/or murdering her little girl, is so alien to the mind-set of most civilized people that we tend to disbelieve that it can happen.

    But, the sad truth is that it happens every day.
    Deadly outbursts of temper know no class, race or social order. It bubbles up inside us all, but most of us manage to keep it in check.

    If JonBenet had been some poor little kid, from the wrong side of the tracks, it would probably have received scant notice; and, no doubt her parents would have been arrested on the spot.

    Amber, your analogy is superb, and the point is well taken.

    I am glad that you decided to repost this; otherwise, we would have missed this poignant moment in your life, that relates to a trigger mechanism, most pertinent and similar to this case.

    And, as Koldkase mentions, little is known of the emotional history of the Rams.
    Barbara, too, makes a good point: "For those of us who KNOW that behind closed doors there is always more than meets the eye, you once again remind us that the "perfect family" is only "perfect" when THEY relay stories; the "other" stories never get told.

    Thank you, Amber.

    :leaf:
     
  16. heymom

    heymom Member

    Amber, thanks for re-posting. As Paradox said, you do have guts. I am glad you got to the point of understanding your dad's response. It can't have been easy.

    The more I think about it, the more I think Patsy did have a tremendous amount of stress. She had been ill, probably still thought she was on limited time, John wasn't helping her and probably didn't care to hear all the emotions she must have had, and she had all the appearances to keep up with. She had constructed a life that needed health and stamina to maintain, and she had neither. Just the few days preceding JonBenet's death were hectic and pressured. Then packing to go to the other house, then a cruise? I would have stopped and said, "Nope! This is insane and we are not going to do it!" But Patsy had painted herself into a corner.

    Cornered animals are dangerous.
     
  17. wombat

    wombat Member

    Quote of the month.
     
  18. heymom

    heymom Member

    :takeabow: :takeabow:

    Thank you! You can all line up to get my autograph on the book I'm writing! :coffeeup:
     
  19. The Punisher

    The Punisher Member

    If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that mess, I'd be rich!
     
  20. heymom

    heymom Member

    Humph. Well, no autograph for you, Buster! :rage: Kindly step out of line and let the next person come forward!
     
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