More perversion of parenting in the name of Jonbenet

Discussion in 'Justice for JonBenet Discussion - Public Forum' started by Barbara, Jun 12, 2009.

  1. Barbara

    Barbara FFJ Senior Member

    http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepag...ughter-adult-makeover-for-beauty-pageant.html

    No matter how much Patsy and the RST describe JBR as just a normal little six year old, they have left her name as the definition of child abuse pageants!

    You must click on the link to see what this other little kid looks like in full makeup. It's just scary that it's legal IMO

    AND.... after reading the comments, it seems the United States is being blamed for bringing it to the UK via JBR. At least most people disapprove everywhere of these vicarious thrills for mothers!
     
  2. zoomama

    zoomama Active Member

    Barbara,

    That picture of the little girl all made up is really awful. Her hair looks stringy with too much hair spray or gel and her eyes are way overdone. That isn't even a smile on her face. It is a grimace or so it looks to me. In the natural picture of her she is sweet looking and innocent. I loved the comments that 3 folks left telling it like it is.
     
  3. koldkase

    koldkase FFJ Senior Member

    Is there a "pageant mom" manual all these women read?

    Do they have to take a test to get certified to speak to the media?

    Because reading what the mom says about how they do it because her little girl wants to do it, that she's not a stage-mom, that her child has been a stage prodigy since birth--I've heard every single pageant mom who ever talked about these exploitations of children say exactly the same thing.

    "Just a few Sunday afternoons...." Patsy Ramsey

    They're all liars in denial. The child's mother in this article told her daughter to hold her chin up! Yeah, that's not being a stage mom....

    Patsy said JonBenet played the violin, was studying French, and liked rock climbing. Translation: Patsy bought her a violin, which JonBenet had plucked a time or two; JonBenet had learned French words from Patsy like "attache"; and JonBenet had climbed the rock wall at the mall once.
     
  4. Elle

    Elle Member

    There ought to be a law against exploiting these children, Barbara. Is there anyone out there with the courage to stop these Child Beauty Pageants?
     
  5. Little

    Little Member

    At least this should fall under the child labor laws.

    Little
     
  6. Greenleaf

    Greenleaf FFJ Senior Member

    Barbara and others...

    Thanks for posting that, Barbara, and also for your comments, ref. same:
    “No matter how much Patsy and the RST describe JBR as just a normal little six year old, they have left her name as the definition of child abuse pageants!

    You must click on the link to see what this other little kid looks like in full makeup. It's just scary that it's legal IMO

    AND.... after reading the comments, it seems the United States is being blamed for bringing it to the UK via JBR. At least most people disapprove everywhere of these vicarious thrills for mothers! “

    __________________

    Some years ago, my brother took me to visit some of his friends, who lived out in the country. They were a delightful couple, in their late 50’s, living on a well-kept farm. They grew all their own fruits and vegetables and canned most all of them, including pickles, relishes, sauces and jellies. In addition to running the farm, the husband also held a job in town as a mechanic. I was in awe of their wholesome lifestyle. When they reached near retirement age, their son, an only child, joined the Navy and got a girl pregnant in England. She gave birth to twin girls, but did not want them. The young Dad took them home for his parents to raise. When I met them, the girls were cute little five year olds.
    I cannot adequately express how quickly my initial admiration of this family faded, when the grandmother escorted me into the “trophy†room, where all the numerous trophies, medals and ribbons from beauty –pageants were on display. Also, there were racks upon racks of frilly little dresses, from size 6 months to age 5; all hand-made by the Grandmother. Also, every conceivable kind of cosmetic was on the dresser and in the bathroom. The decorative headbands, wigs and glitter-crowns were too numerous to count. The Grandfather had to take on a second job as a security guard to help with all the expenditures associated with the pageants.

    This was my first exposure to child beauty pageants. Hypocrite that I am, I pretended to be impressed, as I didn’t want them to know how I really felt. They were so kind and loving and so very ecstatic about displaying all things in ref. to the pageants. I wouldn’t have hurt their feelings for the world.
    The girls were cute but certainly not beautiful. At first blush I thought it was child abuse, and today, I feel the same way; it is a deceptive kind of child abuse; justified in ways that make no sense. The parents or caregivers, at least the ones’ that I met, were entirely convinced that they were doing something beneficial for the child. I chalked it up as ignorance, and/or a lack of understanding of the needs of a child.

    The one thing that surprised me about the Ram case, above all else, was their participation in beauty pageants. I couldn’t believe that educated, wealthy people, from sophisticated environments, could possibly be of the same ilk as that blue collar farm family. Every video and/or picture of JB, that I saw, brought to mind those poor little twin girls, and the tacky paraphernalia littering their little bed room, in that modest farm house. I do believe that, sans the beauty pageants (and those videos) the public’s interest would have faded long ago.

    When we try to analyze the Rams, much thought should be given to the cause of their obsession, in displaying their young daughter on such a vicarious stage of humiliating, make-believe drama. I think this is the key to unraveling the motive in this case.
    gl
    Hello, Zoomama, Koldkase, Elle & Little.
    Little wrote: "At least this should fall under child labor laws." I certainly agee.
     
  7. Voyager

    Voyager Active Member

    Greenleaf....

    Your interesting tale about the farm family and their little grandaughter/pageant winners is indicative of the way that most of us feel about our children and grandchildren. In our eyes they are the most beautiful, most talented, most intelligent, most atheletic children in the world and in our hearts, we would like everyone else to see that and acknowledge it too!

    Surely most of us have that kind of loving and competitive inclination whether we would like to admit to it or not. Who among us has not bragged about our offspring?! We love to see them all dressed up and showing off their talents don't we? Whether is is ballet, football, or singing in the choir, we love to watch them perform and do well among their peers.

    I think that where a line is crossed is when parents/grandparents take over in the competition using the child as a mere pawn reflecting their own interests and egos and leaving the child emotionally on the side lines feeling used and unfullfilled and often, because someone has to lose in these competitions, with a feeling of void and loss internally. What a cruel thing for a child who is still forming a sense of self!

    Witness a couple of remarks that JonBenet is supposed to have made. "These are really my mom's trophys." And the very sad statement JonBenet made at their Christmas party when found sitting alone on the stairs..."I don't feel pretty."

    Breaks your heart doesn't it? Part of the problem too is that these pageants, while they do have a small talent component, are based on sheer physical attractiveness and how goodlooking and glamourous these small human bodies can be made to look with the falsetto of fancy dress and make up...

    When the child goes back to being herself in real everyday life, of course she must have a loss of confidence in her own natural looks and must feel an every growing pressure as she grows up to be "pretty" at every moment in order to be of "worth." What a cruel position for a child to have to maintain! Their childhood and personal inner growth is essentially stripped away from them and their incentive for developing real talents and learning new skills deminished.

    Perhaps I am only making exceptions for those of us who are such proud parents and grandparents, but how much more reasonable to put forth effort, time and money to help our children develope their natural physical and mental talents and to watch them perform these wonderful accomplishments that they have earned on their own (of course they all need our support to do these things!) and applaud them from the sidelines as an audience and not as the beneficiary of the allocades....

    I do think this is unlike the unhealthy reality of the pageant stage moms in these several important ways. I have thought about this a lot since I have always so thoroughly enjoyed watching my kiddos and theirs on the stage, set and field and felt great pride for them. It is just going over that fine line, perhaps without even realizing it, that makes for a dangerously obsessive situation for perhaps the parent and child, giving the parent such control and proprietary issues and the child such self conciousness and such feelings of entitlement and eventually such feelings of loss.

    Just some thoughts,
    Voyager
     
  8. Greenleaf

    Greenleaf FFJ Senior Member

    Voyager

    Voyager, that was most interesting; especially this:
    â€It is just going over that fine line, perhaps without even realizing it, that makes for a dangerously obsessive situation for perhaps the parent and child, giving the parent such control and proprietary issues and the child such self consciousness and such feelings of entitlement and eventually such feelings of loss.â€

    The key word is “OBSESSIVE.â€

    “Obsessive…worrying compulsively about something or things in general.â€

    “Compulsive…driven by an usually irrational psychological force.â€

    Voyager, you touched upon the crux of the matter. I liked what you said about “entitlement.â€

    When I see TV programs, in ref. to this subject, I am stunned by the adults’ obtuseness and irrational behavior. Many seem to be living out their crazy dreams through their children. (Dreams, I might add, that probably could never have been achieved anyway.)

    I would like to see some sort of regulation, but, in a Democracy, I don’t know how enforcement could occur.

    P.S. This is about being “over the line†and has nothing to do with us enjoying our children and grandchildren in dance recitals, etc. I travel all the way to Atlanta every year to see my granddaughter in her dance recital.
    gl
     
  9. koldkase

    koldkase FFJ Senior Member

    Wow, Greenleaf and Voyager, those are amazing posts.

    Loved your story, Greenleaf. Thanks for sharing your experience and insights.

    Voyager, very interesting thoughts on activities parents put their children through and why.
     
  10. koldkase

    koldkase FFJ Senior Member

    Oh, I completely agree with you, Greenleaf. The parents in these programs always horrify me.
     
  11. Elle

    Elle Member

    I guess it's different bringing up boys. I'm glad my sons were involved in soccer, swimming and football.:) We were proud of all of them. I do have three granddaughters with the youngest one being involved in Gymnastics right now. The two older ones were never interested in pageants of any kind. More into swimming.

    Thank goodness none of the girls got involved in Irish dancing which seemed to be the craze here for a spell. My niece's two granddaughters are involved with one of them being a Canadian Champion. I went to one of their competitions about five years ago in a Canadian hotel. I wouldn't go to another one. [​IMG] The children's mother is a schoolteacher and is obsessed as was mentioned above. I'm sure her bank book is empty(?).

    After the show we went upstairs to look at the wigs and dresses for sale.
    The curly wigs start at $250.00 up. The dresses were priced from $750 - $1000's. Geesh! when I went to tap dancing school as a youngster. I just had tap shoes. :)

    It's a different world today, girls! Let's face it! :)
     
  12. DeeDee

    DeeDee Member

    Many mothers of little girls dream of fame and fortune for their daughters. I guess people think they may be the next discovery. The next teenage millionaire. Moms of girls can be VERY competitive. And it looks to me like most of these rather plain moms are living vicariously through their daughters.
    I never knew of a chid star who wasn't screwed up in some way. Fame does that to kids.
     
  13. Cherokee

    Cherokee FFJ Senior Member

    Yes, because the beauty pageant child is working for the mother's EGO.
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2009
  14. Greenleaf

    Greenleaf FFJ Senior Member

    Cherokee

    Hahaha. The child is "working for the mother's ego..."

    EXACTLY! Cherokee, you hit the sad nail on the head. LOL.

    gl Edited to add: Thanks, Koldkase.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 14, 2009
  15. Show Me

    Show Me FFJ Senior Member

    Kids love to play at being grownup...no hours spent with dress fittings, dance and singing lessons, make up, practice and so on.

    The moms will say anything to justify the mom's obsession with pageants....little girls love to dress up and perform before friends and families...but when their favorite cartoon comes on or its time for an afternoon snack....they immediately quit the game. No stress.

    Big difference between wearing mom's high heels and playing with friends, and wearing designer dresses in high heels with a ton of make up on the face as if they were 21 years old. The pageant struck mom takes this as a sign of the little girl 'naturally' wanting to be in the pageants.

    But the same can be said for parents who are obsessed with their child excelling at say, sports or music lessons....
     
  16. koldkase

    koldkase FFJ Senior Member

    Oh, now you've put your finger on the issue, haven't you? Well done.

    JonBenet was under so much pressure, even the Ramsey's loyal friend Pam Archuleta couldn't help but mention it last year when interviewed for an article praising John and Patsy!

    http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-...y-exonerated-in-the-murder-of-his-daughter/5/

     
  17. Elle

    Elle Member

    Well said, Show Me! Can't add anything to this at all!
     
  18. DeeDee

    DeeDee Member

    When I see those words "haunted, defeated look" - I always think of this photo of JB. The pic in the circle inset was taken at a December pageant shortly before she died. JR and Patsy were in NYC- Nedra and Grandpa P were in Boulder with JB & BR. She was sitting in a car for the parade, or else it was a float- I don't recall which. She looks cold, sad, and tired. How was this fun for her?
    This was the pageant (Little Miss Christmas?) where JB received the Santa Bear as one of the pageant prizes. PR claimed not to know about the Santa Bear. PR wasn't there when JB got the bear, but she knew where it came from. A pageant official identified the bear after it became such an issue.
    The room is, of course, the wineceller. Highlighted is the fireplace log grabber laying along the floor. An odd place for it, no? Also in plan sight are the paint cans, the possible source of the "metal scraping concrete" that was heard by neighbor Melanie Stanton's husband after his wife woke him when she heard the scream.

    Here's the link. Hope it works.
    http://www.geocities.com/Area51/nebula/9337/jameson.html
     
  19. Cherokee

    Cherokee FFJ Senior Member

    Here is the pic.
     

    Attached Files:

  20. Elle

    Elle Member



    I remember this photo DeeDee. I have always thought the fact this room was chosen gave the Ramseys away. The guilty party had to be someone who knew the house well, the Ramseys themselves! They also gave themselves away by their dramatic over-staging.
     
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