Boulder DA Under Fire ... (from the Boulder Daily Camera)

You know, I feel exactly the same way, WY. I can't watch these movies any more, where I hear the woman saying she thought she deserved it. I would be looking for a glock to shoot the bastid.

 

Are you sure that's you, Elle?

 

Yes, this is me! I'm now going to shop for a wee Glock. Seriously, how on earth can these women keep on taking it? Doesn't it make you want to retaliate?

 

I saw that you were threatening to get a glock on the other thread as well.

I don't think they make "wee" Glocks, though. :cop:

I'm against the death penalty in all cases (JMO!) but child-killers are a real close call.

 

I found some info on the Midyette case from way back in July, which I believe has already have been posted here by Spade, but it's worth repeating:

 

It may not be the question of her degree. I am telling you, violent abusers can tear down your self-esteem until you don't believe you are worth anything, degree or not. They can get you so paranoid that you can't really think straight to get yourself out of a bad situation. They can harass you and frighten you and some of them really do kill the women they swear they love.

I don't know if that is the dynamic with this couple. I also wonder if his family isn't leaning on her not to say anything or press charges, and they will take care of her. If she turned on Alex, she would have hell to pay.

 

Now there's a thought. What would we all do if we had any kind of killer standing right before our eyes (?). In self defense, if he went for me, hopefully I would come up with something that would flatten him right into the ground.

I can't see myself buying a real gun, Wombat, but I loved those Fairground stalls where you had to shoot a target with a rifle and win a prize. I would honestly love to do this in my own backyard. Harmless fun in a safe spot.

I'm sure we all have some kind of thoughts in our head about wanting to do something different, to ward off boredom. I have a restless nature. :-( No golf this year. I need to whack something, but not a human being. Dinnae worry!

 

As I have mentioned before, I witnessed my best friend go from the type of woman other women envy - bright, articulate, full of confidence, very capable and incredibly strong - to the complete opposite in six short months.

It didn't happen over night and it happened by stealth. First he adored her, put her on a pedestal, said she was his soul mate. There was nothing he wouldn't do for this 'goddess amongst women' as he liked to call her.

Then he stealthily began to isolate her from friends and family - 'we don't need other people, we only need each other babe'. Then he would subtly attack her family one by one - 'don't you see how your brother only calls you when he needs money? He's using you, you deserve better, let's not go over there tonight, let's stay in, just you and me.

One by one he picked them off. Till they were in their own idyllic paradise...until one day she didn't do something he had asked her to do...for the first time the mask slips and he shouts at her. Stunned, she feels guilty for upsetting this man who up till now has been the perfect man. She must make sure she doesn't upset him again.

Over the next few weeks he begins to criticise her, this man who had convinced her she was perfect...'you're NOT wearing that?'....'those shoes look like they belong on a prostitute'...'you're looking old today...why don't you put some make up on?'....drip, drip, drip...

At first she puts it down to the pressure he's under at work...and besides
in between the veiled insults he's the same loving person she knows. But the insults become more regular more vulgar,,what is she doing wrong to make this perfect man so angry at her...she must try harder to please him.

Of course she never tells me about this during one of our fewer and fewer phone calls - everything is perfect...he's perfect. Then she falls pregnant.

They go away for a holiday. She invites me over to watch the video she took whilst there. Another friend and I watch as they both jump in to the sea from a 'party' boat. He pulls himself back onto the boat. She struggles to do the same...he looks at her with contempt and walks away..some stranger helps her. My other friend and I look at each other having seen his callousness and know that something is wrong with this picture, but my pregnant friend is oblivious.

Then one night she finally defends herself against his increasing insults, and he turns into a wild man and pins her against the wall by her neck.
Afterwards he apologises as if his life depended on it. He adores or he loves her like no one else could or ever would...it will never happen again.

When she finally tells me what has been going on I am as angry as hell - 'he did WHAT? he said WHAT? I tell her to leave him, he can't love you if he treats you like this...I am her only contact with the outside world and her self esteem is now so low that's she's convinced it's all her fault. I reassure her it's not HER at fault it's him...but she doesn't leave.

I get more and more tearful calls...I tell her to leave, to tell her family...but she only says she'll think about it. The next day he would bring her flowers - not just a normal bouquet but the biggest, with 60 red roses....'see how much he loves me? See how special he thinks I am?'...back to square one.

Then one morning I get the phone call...she's trying to sound calm but I know her too well...she's asking me a question about something inane...Are you OK? I ask...' I haven't read that yet' she responds...'Is he there with you?' I ask...'Yes, if you could send me a copy'...Do you want me to call the police?' I ask...'If you could get it to me as soon as possible'...she replies...I reassure it I will call them now and to be strong.

A half an hour later I am with her in an ambulance. She's nine months pregnant and he had beaten her up when she tried to prevent him going to her brothers house to attack him.

He was arrested and went to court and got 5 months. He wrote everyday, said he was a changed man, that God had spoken to him in prison.....they got back together and she only left him after she had lost everything financially and not before he'd attacked her again and held her hostage.

Now living in another country she's a stronger woman...able to help others that have been through the same thing. She cannot believe she stayed so long, but she also knows these men are crafty manipulative and stealth like and prey on women's psychological weaknesses...like a well trained torturer.

She also conviced herself that she could rescue him or fix him and that she must really really love him if she stayed through all that...and that people don't really understand that sort of REAL love....I always replied that I'm glad I don't.

 

Lacy also under fire from

Rocky Mountain News: Friday, Nov. 17, '06

http://www.rockymountainnews.com/drmn/local/article/0,1299,DRMN_15_5150554,00.html

 

Amber you did a fantastic job on what happens in an abusive relationship. I'm glad your friend is out of it. Did she have the baby or lose it from the beatings?

Thanks Greenie for the article! Hah! The Drapes of Wrath pays no attention to the news...yeah right.

Think old Hair Curtains will call a press conference with Ackland this time to explain why baby Jason's death is merely pumped up sensationalism? After all it's only a voiceless baby who died, not some celebrity, or sports figure....not REAL news. Barf.


"An informed public is the heart of a democracy. . . . But at the same time it has to be real news, not just pumped-up sensationalism," Ackland said. "People have a pretty low opinion of the news media because some of what they get isn't news, it's hyped opinion. "

 

Did your friend have a strong father who loved her and taught her how a man should treat a woman? It is much more rare for a woman who had a real Dad to fall for a male like this. It is much easier to come under their spell when you are hungering for a man's attention and adoration.

It is confusing for outsiders to believe what is happening. You kind of have to be on the inside to know what it's like. Even then, it can be very strange. It really is like being brainwashed. The isolation is a KEY ingredient, because if the woman has caring people in her life, she might listen to them and get away in time. The abuser knows this, and that is why their world narrows to just the two of them.

 

Show Me - the baby was fine, thank goodness

Heymom - her father was a workaholic and favoured her older sister as the 'golden girl' who could do no wrong. There was also an 'incident' with an uncle that the father ignored or wouldn't believe. So I think you are spot on

And yes, you have to see it first hand to understand it as you say...they don't hit you on day one and they brainwash and isolate you before trying to destroy your soul.

He threatened me a few times and my husband told me to leave her to it as it was effecting our marriage - but I wouldn't abandon her and let him win...which I told him- the abuser I mean

 

Thanks for the article, Greenleaf. Here is my favorite part:

So...the logic here...and you GOTTA LOVE IT...is IF LACY NEVER BRINGS THE CASE, NEVER INDICTS, IT WILL FOREVER BE OPEN AND THEREFORE SHE NEVER HAS TO TALK ABOUT IT!!

PERFECT!! IT'S PURE GENIUS! I HOPE THOSE DEFENSE ATTORNEYS PAY HER WELL....

 

great Amber! I'm happy she escaped.....I do miss the good old days, but some stuff was awful and needed to be changed.

Glad my girls grew up in a better world.

 

Workaholism is a very difficult addiction - because the "substance" being abused is one valued highly by society. Therefore, there is never a "bottom" to hit, because the workaholic will have only financial reward from overwork, not financial ruin as with other -holisms such as alcoholism. The only real consequence for the workaholic is the eventual ruin of their health. The other consequences come for the family. Workaholism is horribly destructive. Your friend's sister is probably as messed up as your friend - the favored child is just as insecure as the neglected child. (Oh, and many workaholics also have other addictions, which do lead to bad consequences for them and the family...)

Gosh, I ought to go into psychology. I could say "BT, DT" to almost everything we discuss here...

And yes, the abusers are some of the most charming people you've ever met..until you make a mistake...

This is from the inside. I could write a book. I am not with an abuser now, thank God. But there were pieces missing from my childhood, critical pieces that would have allowed me to make much better choices.

 

Where's the couch?

 

I'm thinking of a rack, instead.

 

LOL! I think the rack is an excellent form of therapy. I think you could patent the idea

It's never too late to go into psychology..from the sounds of it you would make an excellent counsellor because of your experience and understanding of people and psychology. Have you ever thought about it?

 

Yes, I actually have thought about it. I would work with children, mostly. Especially children who've lost a parent early in their lives. But others too. When the kids are grown I may go back to school myself. Hubby wants me to start bringing in money instead of getting more education, but eventually I could provide income.

Criminal psych. would be fascinating but I don't think I have the fortitude to deal with that mentality. Maybe I could help with document analysis but not face-to-face. Then again, the rack might provide the right therapeutic atmosphere... :fishslap:

 

Do you want to hear how tacky the Boulder D.A.'s office is?
I emailed them about this case over the weekend. Today I received the following reply, however, this Carolyn French who sent it, also sent it to several others who apparently emailed them too. So instead of getting my own reply, or hiding all the addressees, she sent it to all these other peple with everyone's email addresses showing!! (I've edited them for privacy purposes)


From: "French, Carolyn" To: (10 email addresses of various individuals)
Sent: Monday, November 20, 2006 8:07 AM
Subject: JJ Midyette


Thank you for your expression of interest and compassion for baby JJ and the search for truth and justice. Colorado Rules of Professional Conduct 3.6 and 3.8 require that Prosecutors not comment on cases currently under investigation, and the Boulder District Attorney's Office is bound by those restrictions.