My crackpot review of JBR Police Files

ST jumps back to the 25th and asks P if she knew for sure where JR was for the thirty minutes before he retired. He was playing with something with Burke. She doesn't know what or where. Was it a garrote in the wine cellar, Patsy?

ST asks pointedly if JR may have awakened JBR again to go to the bathroom SO SHE WOULDN'T WET THE BED? Patsy mouths a soul-draining "no."

At this point I would have rearranged Patsy's beehive hair-do with a mag flashlight! Or garroted her with anything handy!

 

Hello? Is anybody reading this crap?

ST asks if anybody was feeling drowsy or intoxicated that night. Patsy says she was tired and wanting to go to bed. ST says through his research he knows more about the Ramseys than he does his own family and then states that he knows the R's are not big drinkers. P says she and beady eyes might have had a glass of wine at the party, but that JR was really "careful" about drinking the day before he flew.

Remember how JR whined incessantly about how the press so innaccurately reported that he was going to fly his own plane that morning? Gee where do the press get these whacky ideas from?

 

pg 58 IMPORTANT

Patsy says chemo "did a number" on her liver so she doesn't drink much. Patsy says niether was intoxicated by any means.

Patsy confirms that sometimes JBR would crawl into bed with Burke or switch beds or just sleep in his room. Not very often though. Patsy didn't like JBR sleeping in other beds BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAVE PLASTIC MATRESS COVERS.

JBR was a sound sleep except when she wet the bed. She wouldn't just get up and go to the bathroom herself.

P says they did NOT read to her that night.

ST asks hypothetically if JBR were approached by an intruder, would she be frozen with fear or would she scream? Patsy doesn't know.

 

ST says Nedra said that sometimes when she'd wake up JBR to go to the bathroom (to prevent --you guessed it, a bed-wetting incident), JBR would give her an elbow! More defiant behaviour by JBR!

Now let's stop here for a second. Over and over and over again we hear about bed-wetting. Plastic sheets, waking up JBR in the night, JBR switching beds or crawling into bed with the parents or Burke, Patsy changing her bed in the morning, blah blah blah. And yet JR claims he didn't even know it was happening? What kind of absentee parent was this creep?Sounds to me like this was his daughter's biggest behavioural problem and he claims to not know about it?

 

Important 61

I'll tell you one thing I'm starting to feel sorry for Patsy. This guy is a big zero. He's lucky he has money--that's all I can say.

Patsy, in a rare moment of candor, admits JBR "didn't like to be awakened."

hmmmmmm.

Were the doors and windows locked that night? Patsy didn't check.

When asked if anybody complained about going to Charlevoix, Patsy admits she didn't really want to go. As if to underscore Patsy's exhaustion, she admits that going to Charlevoix seemed like it was "too much" to cram into one holiday but went along with it because the family wanted to do it.

Now get this--Patsy calls the frikkin' FLORIST aand had them put up "lights and a wreath and flowers because Melinda and Stewart were coming up with John Andrew."

Folks--this is a woman who never stops pretending. Imagine the stress she must have felt keeping up this facade. And we're expected to believe this woman just threw on the same outfit she wore the night before? Yeah Babe.

 

ST wants a minute by minute walk-through of what occured on the fateful morning. Patsy says she got up at 5:30 (she thinks) but says JR got a up first and went straight to the shower. Patsy went to the bathroom but did not shower (uhhhh let's see. She didn't shower the night before either and wasn't going to shower today? The poor stinky thing). She immediately put on her make-up and clothes. But she was still stinky, I'm sure. Does Patsy not know the value of being petal fresh?

Stinky Patsy walks down the stairs, stops "briefly" at the second floor laundry area, and she "fussed" with a piece of JBR's clothing which had spots on it. She made a mental note to "do something" about the spots when they got back. Then Patsy gets a little flustered and contradicts herself by starting the sotry over again, saying she had come straight down the steps from her bathroom and saw the ransom notes.

 

Now P really starts sputtering and falling all over herself. She somehow gets past the note which is spread out completely across the step and turns around and reads the first few lines. She read "we have your daughter" so Patsy hurls herself back up the stairs, apparently levitating back over the undisturbed notes in a Linda Blairesque moment, and hurls open the door and sees Jonbenet is not in her bed.

Without yelling for JBR, without even mentioning her name, P just bellows instead for JR.

Now let's stop here. Minutes earlier Patsy said JB would occasionally sleep elsewhere, but P doesn't bother looking elsewhere. She doesn't look in the closet, the bathroom, anywhere. She just accepts that the bizzare scenario she woke to was indeed happening. Patsy starts sputtering and says "What should I do? What should I do?" as flabby John comes running to the rescue. Remember Patsy is supposed to be giving a minute by minute recount.

JR of course just accepts the whole thing and immediately tells her to call the police. Hmmm--without even seeing the note himself? Without looking for her? Without at the very least slapping Patsy?

Patsy is all confused but thinks she told him to check Burke! JR does, but Patsy just decides to run downstairs again! With JR in hot pursuit. Yup. He just found out his kid is missing and he doesn't look for her at all, he just runs down stairs! Makes sense to me!

 

Hey, BobC

I'm here and listening! I'm leaning toward your advice on NOT buying this little piece of crap of denial. Wow, what a constant slap in the face to the cops - can't arrest them but they know Patsy did it. I'm surprised they didn't smack her around out of pure irritation.

So John's a creep? What a surprise! Not!

Ever since I heard he let the Patster fly by herself after chemo, on a commercial plane when he had his OWN freaking plane, I knew he was an *******.

It's amazing how they can know nothing....

Thanks BobC, I'm waiting for more!

 

Patsy calls the cops and then immediately calls the Whites, telling them to come over! All this before looking for JBR OR even reading the note! This is a real knee-slapper! Patsy jumps ahead and said the police herded the sixty or 70 people she invited over into the sun room. Says the police tried to calm everyone down. They should have tried pepper-spray.

She says JR must have read the part about a ransom because he called Rod Westmoreland (his stock-broker in Atlanta) to get the money together.

Sputtering, stammering Patsy says two social worker ladies magically appear on the scene, along with Linda "bug-eyes" Arndt and other cops. They start to prepare a lint tap for when the ransom call comes. Father Rol has also joined the party, he's wandering around praying, and suddenly John reminds Patsy that LHP asked her for money!

Man old beady eyes didn't waste much time trying to frame somebody! That guy can really think on his feet! So Patsy blurts out that the hand-writing looks kind of like LHP's. Of course Patsy hadn't even read the note, but still it looked like LHP's writing. So suddenly everyone, including the cops, are talking about LHP! Patsy is a true friend--I need a hanky.

 

Hi Vic

I was getting a little lonely!

So anyway--TT suddenly realizes that this account is anything but minute by minute, so he tells her to back it up to the point where she woke up.

 

Did they have an alarm clock set? Patsy thinks JR set it, but, uh, it never went off. Not that she remembers. So fragrant Patsy gets dressed in her little blk and red outfit that still may have reeked from the day before, and made a pit-stop in the laundry room.

Was JBR's door open, cracked open, or closed? In a Krebs-like moment, Patsy answers this very straight-foreward question with the startling "It was, it didn't strike me as unusual, you know."

ST hurls his coffee into Patsy's face. Okay that was a lie. But I can fantasize a little right? Besides--reading so many pages of lies is like brain-washing me to lie myself! Patsy has control of my mind!

 

here's your hanky

And a puke bucket.

Post on.

 

Thanks BobC!

I love your review. I read it everyday! It saves me the pain of trying to read the book. I appreciate your hard work!

Thanks!

 

pg 65--important!!!

Now in a stellar moment Patsy says the following:

"I think it was open a little LIKE I WOULD HAVE LEFT IT."

Whoa. I'll bet Patsy. Except that an intruder was there in the interim, right? The intruder, carrying a stun-gunned Jonbenet, closed the door behind himself in excatly the same way Patsy left the door the night before!

Were light on in JBR's room? Patsy, surprisingly, doesn't recall. But who bought JBR the gold ring, Patsy?

She thinks she left a light on in the hallway, but, well, you know, she doesn't really remember.

Now Patsy says JBR's main light and lamp were not on. Patsy says when she opened the door she "could just tell" JBR wasn't in her bed. Yawn.

 

Thanks!

It helps to know people are reading. After reading "I can't recall" ten thousand times I was starting to see test-patterns! UHG! But now it's getting good.

TT asks stinky patsy why she was going downstairs and she says she was going to make coffee and breakfast and generally get everything ready.

MEANWHILE JR was doing what, exactly? Does he ever help Patsy do anything? No wonder she snapped! Only she garrotted the wrong family member!

She says they had a flight, IF SHE CAN RECALL, at 7:00.

Patsy said they wanted to get to the airport a half hr before flight took off. Okay finally JR has done something to help--he made the flight arrangements. JR keeps giving and giving.

 

TT brings Stink-bomb back to her majestic descent down the spiral staircase. Patsy says the notes were on the third step from the bottom. Patsy goes past the note and then turns around, leaning over to read it. Just like anyone would do. Patsy thinks she stepped over the note, but, well, you know.

Patsy helpfully volunteers that sometimes they left notes on the steps. We know Patsy! You just did!

So the intruder not only closed JBR's door just like Patsy, he even leaves notes right where Patsy leaves them, plus he rturns her pad and pen where she keeps them! That's it, I'm convinced this is the work of a foriegn faction. OPEN YOUR EYES PEOPLE!

 

pg 67

Patsy "Odorama" Ramsey helpfully informs the cops that stepping on the note might have caused her to fall, you know, slipping.

Now, inexplicably, Pats contradicts herself, saying "I don't remember if I picked it up or just leaned over and read it. I can't remember."

Well, Stinky, you just told us you jumped over it and read it from a standing position. Let's pick with one story and go with it. Your name ain't Nancy! HEAR BOB TALKIN"!!!

 

You've solved the case!

Wow, a foreign faction.... Who would have guessed?

Wasn't Helpful John just a passenger on this trip? I seem to remember not just Archuletta but another pilot on this trip.

Did anybody check Patsy for ground-down molars? She had to have been gritting her teeth for days...

 

Vic

Patsy says John didn't drink when he was going to fly the next morning, but also says they were going to meet Architura (sp) that morning at the airport. So which is it? I don't know. I just don't know. I don't recall. I can't remember.

Anyways--JBR's bathroom light "maight have been on." Were the covers pulled back? They were "kind of ruffled up." At the bottom. Of course she's not sure. But when she didn't see JBR in the bed, she emitted a blood-curdling scream.

She yells for John, NOT Jonbenet.