Slimey Limey (Michael Tracey) $$$$$

Get that pout off or...we're finished.

 

I'm sorry pet, but really, have you forgotten so soon?.....think of Braveheart, think of John Smeaton,...REMEMBER cold porridge sangers!!!....these Scots have porridge AND ice running through their veins.....

Look, I was reading just last week where a Scottish bride attacked her new hubby on their wedding day and he ended up in the Emergency room. I think that must be the Scottish way of showing affection.

If Ms Scotland says she "almost loves you", I think it might mean she worships the ground you walk on, adores you and she will read the eulogy at your funeral....which would go something like "aye, she were a good lass, a true baihead and misery guts. Amen"

 

Correction we'll have nane o' that Yorkshire dialect here if ye don't mnd.

- "She WIS a guid lass, an ow' ba'heid and a miserable wee bauchle - like a christmas cerd - aye greetin'".

Now I'm off to cut myself a piece of porridge from the kitchen drawer.

 

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :floor: :floor: :floor:

 

Nice. Teased, insulted, and dropped by the Scottish wench; then my ex-agent comforts me by helping write my eulogy. :deal:

Will the dancing chooks be performing at the last rites? :hen: :hen: :hen:

Don't forget to have the manly bodice-rippers in their jockeys going at it with the crack ho's on top of my coffin. :ghost:

Fine. The DIVA knows when her swan song is sung. If you need me, I'll be passed out in my guttah--I'm the one with the knife sticking out of her back.... :glug:

 

Oh yes, dancing bodice-ripping girlie-man chooks with dreadlocks, singing "I don't feel like dancing", twirling in their tap shoes, holding Rat's hand.

Us agents know how to throw a good funeral....it'll be VERY moving. Do you think hubby could turn his carpentry skills to a coffin?

 

Well ... he does go by the name of MISS Marple.

 

Wot? No singing bats? I'd fire that agent if I were you!
:floor:

 

:snake:

Be sure to keep adding those smileys - they exonerate you from any offence you may otherwise have incurred

 

I know. I added the smiley just for the girlie-man's benefit.

What goes around, comes around.

 

Oh! Right you are, Jayelles!

I MUST HAVE SINGING BATS, Zotto!

Otherwise, I'll be coordinating a TANTIE-FEST, starring the up-and-coming DIVA from DOWN UNDER, who is our newest breed of DIVA and is our SECRET WEAPON, yet to be unleashed at the national or international level! :dervish: :curses: :rage: :hopmad: :curse: :burnedup:

 

Flamin' heck....even on your deathbed you're barking out demands. Singing bats are VERY expensive.....and then there's the dilemma of choosing the right tone of bat....I mean, your average guttah bat is more baritone, and your high flying fruit bats are the tenors and sopranos. I'm just not convinced that the chooks aren't a better way to go. I mean...they're all paid for...we wouldn't have to take out a new loan and they've been waiting for their moment to shine again.

The Tantie-fest (for Jay...that's TANTIE) I had planned for the wake...sorry you won't be there to enjoy it. You would have liked to see your doppelganger.

Now excuse me, I need to see about the procession...I'm thinking all our trolleys tied together....very moving.....

 

I'm was going to offer my services to walk in front of the trolleys and scatter shredded cabbage but I'm wondering whether the chickens would think it was munchie time and fall out of step with the rest of the procession? Also is that shopping trolleys you were thinking? If so, Tesco or Waitrose or Asda? Tesco are red, Waitrose yellow and Asda are green. We could have a mixture which could be rather cheerful. We could decorate the trolleys with Save the Whale rosettes.

What do you think?

 

We can afford CABBAGE?????!!! Obviously a wealthy benefactor) Hmmmm...you DO have a point about the chooks. Of course, if we go with the bat option we may need to tether them to the coffin. What to do, what to do....I spose we could glue the chookies' legs to the coffin, but it kinda makes it hard for them to do their tap routines....

I like the multicoloured trolley option...VERY cheerful and just as you'd expect from a Guttah funeral. Nobody could say there's no class in the Guttah. Well...they COULD say it but they'd be oh so wrong. Save the Whales you reckon eh?...might be a bit...you know...PC for the Guttah. We can't be upping our standards, even for one of our fallen own.

I don't like to bring this up at this sad time, but do you think we need to check that she's REALLY gone??? I'm not one to cast up the past, but some of us were here at the time of the *gulp* Vern incident and it's just as best to be sure.....

 

Good lord, I'm DEAD and you're worrying about MONEY?!! An AGENT to the end....

And don't think for one minnie I won't BE THERE! I have already secured reservations in the next life and I WILL BE THERE!! Don't y'all have GHOSTS in the Outback?

So don't go mucking it all up being cheap. It WON'T be pretty if I have my new banshee best friends cut loose!! Shredded cabbage?! Shredded SPINACH AND NO LESS!! Then the chooks won't be distracted.

AND I MUST HAVE THE SINGING BATS!! BASS, TENOR, AND SOPRANOS! Not the hit men, either. My doppleganger will be setting records with new frenzies if I steal her pacifier! This is my SWAN SONG...or BAT SONG, as it were...NO MESSING AROUND!!

And there better be crack and oreos aplenty for ALL THE CRACK HO'S AND PIMPS!! I want them happy when they speak of me...and forgetful...VERY forgetful....

PS I know you spelled DOPPELGANGER right just to mock me, Zotto!!

 

Save the Kipper then?

 

For now. Kippers are far too dear to waste until we are sure.

 

MULTI-COLORED TROLLEYS? WHERE THE HECK ARE Y'ALL FROM, DICKENSLAND? Next you'll be dragging out the treacle and scraggly street urchins!

I want all the BUGGIES draped with PINK VELVET!! I mean it! Anna Nicole can't hold a candle to my drug history, so I want PINK VELVET AND SEQUINS on my coffin! Which hubby is building out of scraps from the bathroom addition. Nice pine and very wet particle board.

And how low of you to bring up VERN, Zotto, at a time like this. Poor Vern. What ever happened to Vern, anyway? Didn't he run off with Moab? Or was that Tricia? RiverRat? All three? Oh, it was CHEROKEE IN TEXAS, wasn't it? Chooknapped your star dancers? It's hard to remember things while on the death bed....

 

And we'll have haggis at the party afterwards.

 

Pink Velvet is very ...passé. I think candlewick ...OH NO! pjed girlie men might get a tad excited at that.... Let's go for crystal organza - Barbie pink with pale lilac boa tethering them together. VEREEE tasteful. The entourage can all wear black hoodies.